Our research team here decided to challenge Deedee Mae Gorbenstein's story about her "field trip" and found out that
her story was a big lie. "We went straight to the North Hall Elementary after Mrs. Gorbenstein told us her tale," says
Ana Mouse, our head over the research center here. When talking with the principal of the school she found out that
there was no field trip that day, let alone that year..certainly not to the Wonka factory. Principal Davidson said that
he wouldn't allow students to take a field trip there anyways, it isn't educational in the least.
We also have talked to Gorbenstein's friend, Allison Prindigis, who tells us that the day before the incident in question
that Mrs. Gorbenstein was telling her that she was going to try to roll into Versaille's bakery. "I asked her how on
earth she would even be able to do any damage to the building. She's certainly not a 6,000 pound whale and couldn't
cause that kind of destruction [to the building]," explains Allison. "She then told me her plan of action.
She told me she was going to go to the Wonka factory in White county and sneak in as a worker. Then she told me
she was going to take one of the new pieces of gum. She knew very well this would blow her ass up and
turn her into a damn blueberry. However, this is what she wanted. The workers there assumed she
had been testing the gum and rolled her to the safest place outside. She then talked a bum into rolling her
to our bakery in exchange for $5 and a bottle of Jack Daniels (pathetic, right). Once at the top of the hill where our
bakery sits she got an employee to give her a push so that she would begin to roll downwards."
This evidence was getting intense and it was becoming completely evident that she had planned this attack on the Cornerstone
Bakery. She continued. "Once at the bottom of the hill she just kept going. I was really hoping she would
stop. Personally, I think this feud is completely stupid. Anyways, she ends up rolling over this guy sitting outside
the bakery and tumbles into the glass door before stopping. I'm happy to say that only part of the door was broken and
the man sustained only a few broken bones." We have several eye witnesses to back this up.
Not just that, but a loyal reader of the Gainesville Times sumitted a photo taken of Gorbenstein seconds before crashing
into Versaille's Cornerstone Bakery. The man who sustained broken bones due to Gorbenstein's attack has sued her and
won $500 in hospital bills and $1000 in compensitory damages. Everyone I talk to now is just itching to know what Mrs.
Gorbenstein will try to pull next.
