I had a shock, but also a nice conversation yesterday. You'll be interested in it, as I was. I
went to my office at the Gainesville Times ONLINE EDITION and someone was sitting at my desk. It was Criswell...the
fortune/future teller who was in some of the old Ed Wood movies. So, I get to my desk and here he is sitting here.
Now everyone whose out there knows that Criswell died in 1982. He told me that he had risen from the grave because in
his deep slumber he had had 25 new predictions for the years of 2006-2010. Criswell's predictions for the future were
kind of always laughed at, because they NEVER came true, but that didn't stop me from taking him seriously. We felt
priviledged that he chose our newspaper to give these predicitons to. His predictions are below. Though, some
are a bit off, perhaps one day the others will come true....hopefully for his sake.
1. The governor of Arkansas, Bill Clinton, will become president and have a scandalas relationship
with an intern.
2. We will soon use flying cars.
3. The movie industry will stop REMAKING old films.
4. Ed Wood will rise from the dead and begin to make spectacular films with great special effects.
5. It will stop raining, permanently, everywhere.
6. Michael Jackson will be tried for child molestation.
7. Michael Jackson will be found guilty of all charges.
8. Scientists will discover that Albert Einstein never existed.
9. Everyone in America will worship tupperware.
10. Those who are in a straight relationship will be burned at the stake (and severed later to children, at
school, for lunch)
11. The main diatary supplement in Oregon will be people over the age of 65.
12. I will star in an Ed Wood film that will be number one at the box office.
13. American Idol will only last one season, and the only winner will be Justin Guarini.
14. Ricky Martin will quit music, get married, and have 12 kids.
15. William Hung will come out with a number one hit.
16. Elvis will be spotted at the Tennessee Aquarium, in Chattanooga.
17. Charlie Manson will be let out of prison, on parole
18. It will begin snowing mashed potatoes in Boston.
19. Edible, gummy, candy worms will soon be put in a lockdown facility because of their high crime rate.
20. The Gravy Diaper will not stay in Brunswick much longer.
21. An unmatching, crazy, poetic army man will take a gun and begin to hunt turtles in Mississippi.
22. There will be much anarchy after a horrible stage performance in Athens at Club Culture, due to 2 performers: Acetaminphen
Robinson and Babie Rooth Coleman.
23. Deedee Mae Gorbonstein will ATTEMPT to roll over Versailla's Cornerstone Bakery.
24. They will make a sequel to Titanic starring Leonardo Decaprio, which will be loved by many.
25. All of my predictions will come true!
After giving me his predictions, he excused himself saying that he had an appointment with a worm that wanted to
crawl in his eyesocket. We were happy to have him come to our paper to give his incredible predictions. After he
left, I thought about and read over his predictions. It seems as if the last few things on his list were stories covered
in our newspaper this past year. I wondered if he had done some research before coming to me or if he
had been dead to long. I guess I'll never truly know. He told me though to leave this quote at then end of
my article though and so I shall.
Future events such as these will effect you in the
future.
Diana Hannigan
Head of Interesting Stories <gainesvilletimes.com>
